so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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