HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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