Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
