I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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