in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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