I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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