Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize