I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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