I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
