I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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