new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
