TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
