can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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