I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
