I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
