I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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