So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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