THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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