Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
