There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
