She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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