i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
