fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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