I am midnight drunk by noon
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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