I must be too annoying 4 u.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
