dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
