you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
