I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
