The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize