it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
