can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
