i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
