Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
