the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
