dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
