Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
