His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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