I want to walk on stilts...naked
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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