No stitches, just platelets and will power
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
