I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
