I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
