Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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