I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
