Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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