wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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