He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
