two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
