Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
