we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
