How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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