Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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