all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
