good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
