I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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