The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize