My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
