It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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