there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
