he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
