Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize