Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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