I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize