you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
