You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
