You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
