It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't deserve a penis
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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