You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
