Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
