god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
