woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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