is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
